I’ve created another blog post about nofap and overcoming porn addiction. But, I forgot to cover the one thing you need for long-term nofap success: commitment. Really, commitment is needed to accomplish anything.
Commitment is the difference between people who can go over six months PMO (porn-masturbation-orgasm) free, and people who can’t manage a 90 day reboot period.
I can tell you all the techniques I’ve used to beat porn addiction. But without the commitment to implement them, the techniques are useless. You can pay someone to hound you 24-7 for 90 days and force you to not watch porn and masturbate. Without the commitment to quit, you’ll just go back to porn after those 90 days.
You need commitment to accomplish anything difficult.
I know it may sound obvious now that I’m saying it, but I think we tend to forget about and/or underestimate the importance of commitment in all things.
I first heard about Nofap in early 2015. I was in engineering school and slogging my way through classes at the time, so I thought I would try it out to have more energy and sharper thinking. 8 day streak, then all I managed was to reduce the frequency to 3 times a week for the next six months.
I hit my first flatline after eleven days, relapsed, then went back to 3 times a week for the next five months. 10 days, then I managed to cut down to 2 times a week. But, I went back to 3 times a week, then went up to 4.
At this point, it was May. I was about to graduate. I tried my damnedest to raise my GPA and get a full-time job. My hair actually started falling out during my senior year from all the stress and effort. My GPA did go up, but not as much as I wanted it to. I also did an interview a few months ago, did so well that the interviewer told me they wanted to hire me, but I still didn’t get the job because I still had to graduate and the company hired someone else rather than wait.
I could barely finish my Capstone project, and that’s mostly because my other team members were so competent. My engineering club project wasn’t finished at all.
I went three weeks. Then, I was able to do 1 week streaks consistently for a month. Then, I had a breakthrough: I started reading books for the first time since I was a little kid, and I had my first 76 day streak. I finally got past the flatline stage! I relapsed, but I was so close to finishing the 90 days. It’s not going to be easy, but I knew I could do it this time. So, I tried again, and not only did I finish the 90 days, I had a 4 month streak! I’m now easily going on 2 months.
It took 2 years, but I finally beat my porn addiction.
Based on your answer to this question, I can automatically tell if you’ll be able to have long-term success or not. Is your reason Self-improvement? You heard a lot of great things about it and you’re interested in trying it out?
You’re going to endure unbearable sexual tension in the first few weeks. During the flatline, your penis will seemingly stop working and your energy will be so low, you’ll think you have some kind of illness. You’re mind will throw every kind of rationalization to try and get you to slip up: “just for scientific purposes, let’s relapse once just to see how what’ll happen.” “You feel like crap, this nofap shit obviously isn’t for you, let’s go to Pornhub!”
Or, by far the worst rationalization: “You made it past the flatline! The benefits are happening! Hey, why don’t we watch some porn just this once? You feel so great, one little slip up won’t completely derail everything you’ve accomplished so far.”
Now, maybe you do have the commitment, or you can develop commitment like I did. You have a deep-seated, burning desire to be rid of this awful addiction. You understand that you need to beat this to become the kind of person you want to be, to live how you’re meant to live, and to be the absolute best you can be for the people in your life. If so, I KNOW you’ll be able to quit sooner or later. I know that my techniques for quitting, or anyone’s techniques for that matter, will work for you given enough time.
When I watch a nofap-related video or read a nofap-related Reddit post, I see lots of comments from people who are either just starting out, or have never made it past Day 20 at most. Do you post comments announcing your intention to do nofap or announcing what day your on? If you do, you’re shooting yourself in the foot and making success much less likely.
Telling other people your goals or aspirations makes it less likely you’ll accomplish them, especially if you get approval from them. Talking about your goals basically makes it seem like you’ve already accomplished them in your mind. You get a false sense of accomplishment.
Comments almost always say that the person is on a day less than Day 90. You rarely see a comment that says the person is on Day 100 or above. That’s because the guys who’ve gone 100 days or more don’t announce their goals and their counters to other people, and this increases their chances of long-term successes.
Telling people your goals is not the same as an accountability partner. An accountability partner is someone who is actively helping you succeed at your goal. A random person you’ve never met who’s responding to your comment on YouTube or Reddit is NOT an accountability partner. You don’t honestly expect that random person to get in touch with you once a week to track your progress, bang on your door at 4 in the morning to make sure you’re staying on track with nofap, distract you to help prevent a relapse, or help you bounce back from a relapse.
If you need an accountability partner, I highly encourage checking out the NoFap website and openly asking for one. The nofap website has a lot of different resources to help you. With that being said, I actually recommend NOT getting an accountability partner because I think it kind of takes away from the self-discovery and self-mastery that come with long-term nofap. It may be more difficult going it alone, but the benefits will be so much greater once you succeed. And at the end of the day, even with an accountability partner, it’s up to you and you alone to do this.
Stop announcing your goals to people, and you’ll be much more likely to accomplish them. I know that the approval and the pats on the back feel good in the moment, but you’re ultimately ruining your chances of success…
Is your plan to abstain from PMO for 90 days, then go back to it in earnest? From my experience, guys with this mentality, that they’ll abstain for a little while then go back to it, never actually make it to 90 days. I had this mentality at first: I was just going to abstain for 90 days, experience the benefits, then go back to it. And, I was never able to make it past Day 13. I couldn’t even go a week PMO-free consistently.
You have to completely cut out PMO from your life. Anything less, and you’ll likely never even make it past a few weeks. I know this is hard to hear. I genuinely wish I didn’t have to say this, but it’s the truth.
Don’t beat yourself up if a relapse happens. Relapses are a part of the process. In fact, I see the entire nofap recovery process as a series of relapses. Relapse after relapse, your commitment and conviction to quit will only grow stronger, and you’ll gradually refine your nofap methods. You learn bit by bit, and eventually you learn enough to completely break the habit.
In my view, your mistakes are a part of you. Don’t try to deny them or hate them. Denying or hating your mistakes means that, to an extent, you are denying and hating yourself, and you’re shooting yourself in the foot by doing that.
Denial. How can you change for the better if you can’t understand and accept where you are right now? You won’t know how to change or even what to change if you can’t be completely open, honest, and accepting of yourself and your situation.
Hatred. Why would you WANT to change for the better if you hate yourself? Why would you want to do any kind of self-improvement? Self-hatred will all but destroy your chances of quitting PMO. You know PMO is ruining your life, but if you hate yourself, you’ll want your life to be ruined.
I don’t mean to be so heavy, but this is important. I now realize just how poisonous the denial, self-loathing and negative line of thinking following a relapse are. You can control how you react and look at a situation. Drop any and all self-loathing and denial like it just got set on fire in your hands.
All right, this and another blog post that I’ve linked to is everything I know about long-term nofap success.
There’s many different techniques I’ve used and others have used to find long-term nofap success, but they’re all USELESS without the commitment to implement them properly. That’s what happened to me. At first, I wanted to try nofap just to see what would happen, and I couldn’t even make it past 13 days. I finally realized I could never live the life I want if I was still addicted to PMO. This newfound commitment got me to 76 days, then 4 months.
You can’t have the mentality that you’ll try nofap for a bit, then go back to porn. If you do, you’ll almost certainly never have long-term success. You need to be all in, absolutely devoted to it, and completely cut PMO out of your life.
And, don’t start beating yourself up over a relapse. It’ll only discourage you, make you feel bad, and make it that much harder to quit PMO.
I hope you found this interesting and helpful! Comment down below with your thoughts, experiences, and anything else I missed for making long-term nofap success happen. And if you haven’t already, subscribe to my free newsletter. New content posted every week.
All the best,