You’re 21 or older, and you’ve never had a girlfriend! If you feel bad about it, read on:
If you think about it, getting a girlfriend is something you don’t have full control over. The woman needs to agree to enter a relationship with you. Even if you’re great relationship material, it may not happen because of factors beyond both of your control.
With that in mind, my first blog post is on why you want a girlfriend so badly and things you can do to help make it happen and/or live happily without one.
I can understand where you’re coming from. I’m 23 right now and I’ve never had a girlfriend. I figured out why it’s such a big deal and what to do about it.
Reasons 1-4 have one root cause: you lack control over yourself and your life. This lack of control creates a sense of neediness in you. You need a girlfriend to improve your life since you’re unable to improve it yourself.
The solution is to gain better control over your life. To do that, find a higher calling; create a direction and purpose for your life.
Next, work to fulfill that calling with focused, committed effort. You don’t have to worry about actually fulfilling your calling, just be committed and consistent in working towards it. Life’s about the journey, not the destination.
I said “decide” on our calling, not wait around for it to find us. You are not born to do any one particular thing. You DECIDE what you’re going to do with your life. I think now is best spent focusing on this before bringing a girlfriend into our lives.
A romantic relationship is a commitment. This commitment requires surrendering your freedom to an extent (you spend time with your girlfriend, spend money on gifts for your a girlfriend, etc.), and this will only distract you from this imperative.
Throughout human history, men are defined by direction, purpose, unfaltering conviction, and absolute control over themselves.
Your calling could be many things:
This is something you need to decide for yourself. It’ll be among the most important decisions you’ll ever make.
This is an opportunity to do some soul searching, figure out what we want to do with our lives, develop the conviction and drive to fulfill our goals, and become self-assured, fully-realized men.
One of the best ways to define your calling is to work hard and wholly commit yourself to everything you do. Your job, your schooling, your laundry, everything you do should be done with absolute commitment and conviction, or not done at all. Your focus will sharpen, your calling will become clearer in your mind, your conviction will strengthen, and you’ll have greater control over yourself.
If you’re in college, you should focus on getting a 3.8 or higher GPA, join clubs and organizations that can give you marketable credentials and useful skills, and look for paid internships and entry-level positions. With that being said, I’m fully aware that it’s possible to do all that and be in a relationship, and that plenty of guys and girls have done just that. But in my opinion, these individuals could have accomplished significantly more if they weren’t tied down by a relationship.
If you’re out of school and in a job, you should focus on forming a professional network, just in case your company lays you off or goes under and you’re out of a job (you know deep down it’s a possibility). A strong network can also be useful for getting a better job, and you should always be open to getting a better job (blog post series about effective job hunting coming soon). You should also commit yourself to your job, becoming the absolute best you can be, earn relevant certifications and/or complete company-provided training.
You can’t be a lazy, unmotivated sack of shit who spends over 90% of his time on Netflix and Xbox in one moment, then a fully engaged, energized man-who-gets-shit-done in another. Fully commit yourself to an aspect of your life, like your job or schooling, and you’ll commit and do well in every other aspect. I invite you to commit yourself fully to every aspect of your life and every action you take, for your benefit.
I strongly believe that if you can define a higher calling in your life, learn the conviction and drive to wholly commit yourself to that calling, and learn to fully apply yourself to everything you do, your job, schooling, even to something as simple as driving your car or doing your laundry, you’re sense of self-worth and self-assurance will become high enough to reach the moon. You’ll be able to fight through all the emotional turmoil your brain is capable of producing. You’ll defeat any test, hardship or uncertainty life tries to throw at you.
You won’t need a girlfriend to give you a sense of self-worth or comfort you during harsh times. You’ll no longer feel as if you’re lacking something in your life. And the best part, you’re self-assurance and drive will make you more attractive to girls, making it more likely that you’ll get a girlfriend. They say the best way to get a girlfriend is to NOT want one. This is where that idea comes from.
The seemingly unbearable sexual tension and energy can lead to great accomplishments and creations if you can learn to channel that unbridled energy and use it productively. Don’t just suppress it or sit around doing nothing while it writhes within you.
This is where the idea of a muse comes in. A beautiful and radiant young woman inspires in a young man the desire to produce and create, whether through procreation, creating something of value that benefits people, accomplishing something difficult.
Keep this in mind the next time you start thinking that you NEED a girlfriend.
That’s the end of my first blog post. I’d appreciate if you left comment down below telling me what you think. Do you still feel bad for never having a girlfriend? Do you have different reasons for wanting a girlfriend? Any more reasons why it’s okay not to have a girlfriend? Write it all down below! If you know a guy in our shoes, let him know about this blog. And if you found this interesting, go ahead and subscribe to my newsletter. More content coming soon.
All the best,